Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
