omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
