i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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