I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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