either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
