Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She bit a glass in half.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
as a side note pls kill me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
