It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
