the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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