So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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