I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
