Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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