i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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