Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
