I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
