there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
