my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
