It's like God shit irony all over that family
we made out on top of his cat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
