Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
