Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
