tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
