brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
