remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
