Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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