Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I forget how to act sober
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
