he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
