Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
