I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
