Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
