I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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