last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think your dad took our porno
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
