we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
