I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We left the knife in your bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
