just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
