doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
