I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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