Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
