How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need a beard to bite.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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