Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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