Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
