I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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