Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
