She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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