oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
