She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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