the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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