bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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