mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I looked at my own cervix.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
