So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
