this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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