You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
