she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this will be a night to untag.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
