im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
