The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
