it's not cheating when I paid for it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Mom said you looked used
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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