Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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